I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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