I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
