why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
