Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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