Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
