Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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