Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
