i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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