At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
