So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
