Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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