I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
