you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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