nut hugger
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
