I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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