whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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