do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
