At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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