Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
