yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
