I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
