It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
