It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
