Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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