she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
