Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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