I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
