hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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