before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
