So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
