mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
