Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
