dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
