She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
