i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
