Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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