So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
