I'm laying in your front yard are you home
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
