You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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