I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
