She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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