One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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