you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
