i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She's the barista slut.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
