I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
