Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Randomize
