Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
A bitchslap is in order.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
