i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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