I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
