i think my tv is drunk
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I can text with my tongue
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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