she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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