I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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