I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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