how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
