I'm really into asian looking animals
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
