Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
time to smoke my breakfast
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
