It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
